Miscarriage is the expulsion of the fetus from the womb before it is able to survive independently, especially spontaneously or as the result of accident. Or an unsuccessful outcome of something planned.
Except it never really feels like an accident. It always feels like something you did that caused it. You are constantly asking yourself “why did this happen?” “What could I have done differently? There are a million questions you ask yourself, all while thinking that you did something wrong.
You didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t do anything wrong. This was one of the hardest things for me to overcome by far when we had our miscarriage a year ago. It was very disheartening. Especially after being told we couldn’t have kids without fertility treatments. You can read all about that in my past blog posts. Miscarriage is just something that happens spontaneously that you can’t prevent. I am not writing this blog to talk about my miscarriage again though, or at least going to try to recap, I am writing it to talk about what I did after finding out and having the miscarriage happen. This is for any woman who doesn’t know what to do in the event of a miscarriage. I didn’t know what to do either. But I will say this; It was that moment the next morning, how I figured out how a small percentage of depression starts.
So the day the doctor confirmed my miscarriage, my husband took the day off with me, and we went home. He turned on my favorite show (The Golden Girls), got me in some pajamas. Mind you, he is suffering too. Like big time suffering. We literally watched tv/movies and CRIED the whole day. It was a lot of self loathing. I mean we just LOST our first baby/ child. This was huge. Finally around 6:30 my husband was like “come on, we can’t do this anymore.” We got dressed and went out to Academy Sports and went shopping for an upcoming camping trip we were going on a few weeks later. It was nice to get out of the house. It REALLY helped clear the head, somewhat. We got back and climbed back in bed, and watched another movie, and tried to get another night of rest.
The next morning was when I woke up in a tiny panic. My husband had to go to work. I was off work. I woke up feeling like I couldn’t breathe. Like I was really alone. I have never experienced a feeling like that. I honestly had no idea what to do. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t even look at my phone. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to move from that spot. I felt so empty.
I made myself get up. These are a few of the things I did for my “self care”. It was that moment I realized how someone could fall into a depression and not make it back out very easily. I was NOT going to let that happen to me, because the feeling I had when I woke up, scared me. So here is what I did that day for self care, and I really hope that this will help someone else in this case.
1. I went running. Running has ALWAYS been an outlet for me. I literally cranked up my playlist and ran a good mile or so. I was still hurting body wise, so I didn’t want to push it. The one mile distance was perfect for me. Even if you aren’t a runner, go for a walk! Sunlight and fresh air can cure ANYTHING. It may only take it away for a moment, but at least a moment is better than never.
2. I stretched. You wouldn’t believe what kind of benefits stretching has for you. I did a lot of yoga stretches. It made me feel that I had a body there. Because sometimes you can’t feel that you are human if you are so upset.
3. I took a cold shower. Like I mean a really cold shower, because once again I wanted to feel human. I wanted to feel the water. I’m so immune to hot showers, the cold shower was definitely a change. It made my skin feel so different. I honestly at this point had stopped panicking, and I was starting to feel a tad bit more like myself.
4. I took the time to brush my hair. I mean really brush my hair and moisturize. I was trying to get ready for the day. When I feel like I look good, then I feel good. I mean, I’m sure most women do?
5. I went and got a massage. So it just so worked out that I had a massage that day anyway already scheduled. Massages are part of my normal self care routine anyway, so It worked out perfect. It really relaxed me. Once again, helping me feel my body. That’s what I was aiming for.
6. I read a BOOK. I LOVE READING as it is, but I sat down in a somewhat quiet place, bought myself lunch, and read my book. It really helped me enter another world other than my own, and that’s nice to pull away from your thoughts sometimes and focus on something else without even trying. A book can do that for me every time.
7. I took a nap. Once again, pulling myself from my own mind. I wasn’t trying to escape it, I was trying to give my mental health a break.
8. Last self care, a MARGARITA! Some people would disagree that drinking probably isn’t the best thing. And trust me, I struggled. My husband had to keep reassuring me. We went out with another couple who is some of our best friends. We went to one of the local Mexican restaurants, and we rode on our motorcycle, which is one of my favorite things to do. It’s a little freeing. I ate some good food, some of my favorite food, and had one margarita.
So to recap my self care day, I did things that always make me feel better. You can to. It might not be the same things as me, and that’s okay. I really hope this does help someone that is clueless on what to do, or is having a hard time getting out of bed or coping. After that first day by myself, I just took it day by day. I got better. I still to this day will never forget. I will always mourn that lost baby. It doesn’t mean that I have to be miserable too. Neither do you!